My Heart for My Son

Over the past couple of months we have been walking through a medical process with our sweet baby boy. Here's a brief run down of that: The opthalmologist diagnosed esoptropia (left eye crossing)- treated with temporary eye patching, and nysagmus (involuntary "eye-jiggle")- no treatment and usually congenital. Then he ordered an MRI, a less than thrilling experience with general anethesia for a 5 month old. MRI results showed "something", so off to the neurologist we go. 

We followed up with our opthalmologist who said that all appeared to be improving. Our little man's eye alignment and even the nystagmus had become better. (A praise, indeed, for God's healing.) A few days later, we went to a neurologist who said the non-specific signal on the MRI did not appear to be related to his mild developmental delay or the nystagmus. (Very good news!) He did, though, want a neuro radiologist to read the MRI. 

New MRI report from the neuro radiologist finds that there are some non-specific neuro abnormalities (not tumors or aneurisms) present in Grant's right and left occipital lobes, but he does not think it is related to the mild developmental delay or nystagmus. We will continue to watch him clinically (just observe how he continues to progress developmentally with the aid of physical therapy: aka- lots and lots of tummy time and play time with some sweet therapists). I have to admit that I was a little taken aback by this news. Everything had been so encouraging lately, I was sure to hear that there were no abnormalities at all. And then I remember...

When we were expecting Grant, we were in the midst of some hard times. In my heart, I knew that Grant was our promise...our rainbow...that those hard times would end. He is my promise fulfilled, my reminder that the hard times are nothing compared to God's goodness, and that we never really fall apart when we live in the hands of our good and gracious God.The scripture God gave us for Grant and that Jerod read over him when he was born is from 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

 "So we're not giving up, How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever." (The Message)

I dance with Grant and I feel righteous rebellion rise up in my heart. (We are not giving up!) I hear his laughter even as his head wobbles in our spinning dance, and I feel strength...Grant's strength...God's strength made perfect in weakness, a strength that looks at the fallen, broken world and says

 "Bring your worst. I will give my best." 

So I will continue to dance with my little bobble-headed boy and let that strength become a part of my very nature. We will spin circles around our home knowing that God is creating new life on the inside, giving us grace for each day, and we will celebrate because God is good, always, no matter the circumstances.

. There is certainly more here than meets the eye, and these gifts of strength, courage and endurance will last forever.